I was in line at the supermarket, my many items inching their way up the conveyor belt to the cashier, when I noticed the woman behind me carefully stacking her groceries behind that little plastic divider that separates “mine” from “yours.”
She was loading her groceries onto the conveyor belt in perfect order. One stack for Carr’s crackers in the black box. One for Carr’s crackers in the red box. One neatly lined trio of chickpea puffs. Two cereal boxes perfectly abutting each other.
I glanced back at my own section. My groceries looked as if I had flipped my cart upside down and dumped everything out. It was a chaotic avalanche of produce, snacks, and chicken nuggets. For a split second, I felt the familiar urge to scold myself for being “so disorganized.” But then I paused, simply noticed and smiled.
“Wow,” I said to her, smiling. “Incredible how beautifully you’ve stacked and organized your groceries! My section looks like I just vomited everything onto the belt!”
We both laughed. She grinned and said, “Yeah, I guess that’s just how my brain works!”
I nodded. “Amazing. Because this is definitely how mine works too. You should see how many tabs I have open in my internet browser!”
A supermarket conveyor belt is definitely not the first place you’d expect to find deep insights about how our brains work. And yet, there it was. Her neat stacks and my chaotic jumble were like a perfect snapshot of two different cognitive styles.
While I don’t have an official diagnosis, I’m fairly certain I have an ADHD brain. There are always at least ten tabs open in my mind, and I’ve learned to build systems to ensure that I get things done. I imagine her shopping list was categorized by food type and store section, while mine was… let’s just say, “fluid.” When I realized in the frozen aisle that I’d forgotten two things from produce, I shrugged and trekked back across the store. Not efficient. And still, I got it done.
What mattered most was that we both left the store with what we needed. Different strategies, same outcome. In that shared moment of laughter, connection and mutual appreciation, we caught a meaningful glimpse of how our brains show up in the world; different, but equally valid.
It would have been easy to slip into comparison, to wish for her orderliness or to judge my own disorganization. But instead, I recognized something deeper: we all bring different skill sets to the world through our varied brains.
It made me think of my two kids and how differently their brains are wired, and how different they are from both my brain and their dad’s. Our brains all move through the world in their own distinct rhythms, with their own ways of organizing, processing, and understanding. And it reminded me of how much we need ALL the kinds of brains in order for our families, our schools, and our communities to thrive.
When we focus on appreciating the value of these neurological differences, raising a neurodivergent child feels a little less overwhelming. As parents of neurodivergent kids, it is somewhat incumbent upon us to teach not only our own kids what neurodiversity truly means, but also the people around us, so we can make the world better understand and see the value of our Orchid kids’ brain wiring. We can work to promote the concept that every brain is unique and that there’s no single “right” way to think, learn, or feel.
That’s not to discount the fact that it can be really hard to navigate parenting when your child’s brain doesn’t fit neatly into the “neurotypical” box. But when we come to the table (or the conveyor belt) from a mindset of curiosity, compassion and appreciation for the internal differences we all have, we can create a world where every brain feels seen, valued and celebrated for how it works and likes to move through the world.
Some Tips for Talking About Brain Differences With Your Kids
Here are some ways parents and caregivers can start (and continue!) conversations about neurodiversity with both neurodivergent and neurotypical kids alike:
- Normalize differences early.
Talk about brains the same way you talk about hair color or height, that brain differences are a lot like physical differences. You could say, “Your brain really loves to watch the same show over and over again. Isn’t that interesting?” And then, “Your sister’s brain always likes to watch things that are new and her brain does NOT like watching the same show over and over. Interesting, right?” This helps all kids understand that variety is natural and valuable. - Use real-life examples.
Moments like the grocery store line, a messy art project, or different homework styles can be great relatable examples. “So interesting how your brain likes to spread your things out while you’re working, while dad’s brain always likes to keep everything in neat piles when he’s working. That’s two brains doing similar things in different ways.” - Emphasize strengths and challenges.
Help kids see that every brain has different things it’s good at and different things that feel harder. “Your brain is really good at spotting and remembering small details and also has a hard time drawing something imaginary, while your brother’s brain is really good at coming up with creative ideas for drawing but has a harder time remembering details. It’s so cool to notice how our brains all have different strengths and different challenges.” - Model self-acceptance.
Share your own challenges and systems for addressing them. For example: “I need lists to remember things,” or “I get distracted easily but have great ideas when I focus.” This normalizes challenges as simple problems to solve and teaches kids a bit about metacognition (thinking about thinking) and models how to accept and honor the way our individual brain works. - Celebrate the value of different brains in teamwork together.
Point out how families, classrooms, and communities work best when people bring different strengths, so we can support one another’s challenges. “Imagine if everyone’s brain worked the same… we’d miss out on so many great ideas and perspectives!” - Keep the conversation open.
This is an ongoing conversation – imagine lots of 5-minute conversations, and model what you recognize about your own brain often. Keep inviting curiosity: “I wonder what helps your brain feel calm?” “I noticed that my brain is feeling overloaded. I’m going to step away from the computer and get some fresh air to reset.”
When we talk openly about brain differences with our kids and families, we help kids of every neurotype grow up seeing neurodiversity less as challenges to overcome and more as differences to celebrate. That mindset helps build empathy, confidence and connection in our families, in our classrooms, and even on the conveyor belt at the supermarket.
xo Jen
Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash