Here’s a line I hear a lot from parents of Orchid Kids: “I paid a lot of money for ________ (music lessons, sports classes), so they have to finish the season.”
Has this been you? (Full disclosure: it’s been me. It was me last week, in fact.)
But, WHY?
Why do we feel like, just because we’ve paid for an activity, that our child has to wring every last bit of value from it?
Because it was expensive?
Because we don’t want to let the coach/teacher/team down?
Because we “honor our commitments”?
Because they said they wanted to do it?
All of those things might be true.
But even if they are, those things are not helpful to us in the moments when our child is refusing to participate.
You know this: ranting, or even calmly articulating, about the reasons why they need to be participating in the activity that you signed them up for leads to what?
More resistance.
What if we could think about the situation in a different way? What if we could let go of those automatic expectations — on behalf of our Orchid Kids – and derive a different takeaway message from the situation.
Here are some alternative thoughts you could choose think when your child refuses to participate in an activity:
I paid the money in order to introduce my child to a new activity.
It doesn’t matter how many classes they attend.
It’s not about the “per class value”.
Here’s another thought
My child might be refusing to participate because this activity isn’t a “just right challenge” at this time.
What if it’s GREAT that they are advocating for themselves and telling you what they need? What if it’s exactly the thing they needed for their next developmental leap?
Here’s the bottom line: you have to be willing to throw the money out the window.
Your kid doesn’t owe you participation – that’s not the cost of the program.
You bear the cost because you think it might be a fit.
But they get to decide whether it is or not. Their participation (or lack thereof) is not about you. It’s about them. So let it be about them.
They don’t owe you anything.
If you’re still scratching your head about this, or you’d just like to talk about it some more, we offer 1:1 parent coaching sessions. You can meet with a coach who can help guide you through some of these challenging decisions and situations so that everyone — you and your Orchid Kid – feels less stressed.
You can find out more about coaching by emailing raisingorchidkids@gmail.com.
Here’s a line I hear a lot from parents of Orchid Kids: “I paid a lot of money for ________ (music lessons, sports classes), so they have to finish the season.”
Has this been you? (Full disclosure: it’s been me. It was me last week, in fact.)
But, WHY?
Why do we feel like, just because we’ve paid for an activity, that our child has to wring every last bit of value from it?
Because it was expensive?
Because we don’t want to let the coach/teacher/team down?
Because we “honor our commitments”?
Because they said they wanted to do it?
All of those things might be true.
But even if they are, those things are not helpful to us in the moments when our child is refusing to participate.
You know this: ranting, or even calmly articulating, about the reasons why they need to be participating in the activity that you signed them up for leads to what?
More resistance.
What if we could think about the situation in a different way? What if we could let go of those automatic expectations — on behalf of our Orchid Kids – and derive a different takeaway message from the situation.
Here are some alternative thoughts you could choose think when your child refuses to participate in an activity:
I paid the money in order to introduce my child to a new activity.
It doesn’t matter how many classes they attend.
It’s not about the “per class value”.
Here’s another thought
My child might be refusing to participate because this activity isn’t a “just right challenge” at this time.
What if it’s GREAT that they are advocating for themselves and telling you what they need? What if it’s exactly the thing they needed for their next developmental leap?
Here’s the bottom line: you have to be willing to throw the money out the window.
Your kid doesn’t owe you participation – that’s not the cost of the program.
You bear the cost because you think it might be a fit.
But they get to decide whether it is or not. Their participation (or lack thereof) is not about you. It’s about them. So let it be about them.
They don’t owe you anything.
If you’re still scratching your head about this, or you’d just like to talk about it some more, we offer 1:1 parent coaching sessions. You can meet with a coach who can help guide you through some of these challenging decisions and situations so that everyone — you and your Orchid Kid – feels less stressed.
You can find out more about coaching at raisingorchidkids@gmail.com.
All my best – Gabriele