We’re writing you a permission slip! Consider this your official pass to take care of your own nervous system. How? Keep reading.
And yet, so many of us have either convinced ourselves or been conditioned by society at large to believe what is keeping us from self-care. Do these sound familiar?
• Our own regulation should wait
• It’s more important to take care of our kids’ needs
• Our needs are secondary
• Asking for or needing space makes us selfish
We strongly advise to take a breath and then toss those beliefs out the window. Keep reading to learn why it’s so important to regulate your own nervous system and for tips on how to do it–even when you can’t spend a day at a spa.
Your kids “know” when something’s off
Your nervous system can set the tone for all of those around you. Orchid Kids are especially sensitive and attuned to our energy, tone, and nonverbal cues. They feel your stress, your frustration, your anger and your sadness, even if you think you’re hiding it like a champ.
If you’ve been to any Raising Orchid Kids classes, you’ve heard us mention Stuart Shanker’s notion of “the Interbrain,” which he likens to the umbilical cord “on Wifi.” The Interbrain notion suggests that our kids, and possibly Orchid kids in particular, seem to have an invisible and intuitive insight into our thoughts and feelings. Our Orchids can not only intuit our feeling of overwhelm, but they often internalize it and mirror it back through their own dysregulation. Hello, Mirror Neurons! That’s another thing we like to talk about in our Raising Orchid Kids classes.
So, attending to your own nervous system is a strategy for supporting your Orchid’s nervous system. Plus we can’t pour from an empty cup, and we always need to put on our own oxygen mask first to most effectively help our kids when they need theirs.
Your nervous system deserves care and attention
We know life gets busy. Even if you are short on time, however, there’s way to sneak in a little self-care. Taking care of your nervous system doesn’t have to be so complicated. Look, if you can take a full spa day or a weekend away, do it! But honestly, small, consistent moments to recharge your battery are often more effective than the occasional big ones. Here are small moment nervous system recharge ideas:
- Pause before reacting. Breathe. Even a single deep breath can shift the stress spiral. Other strategies to remind your brain to pause when you feel yourself ramp up: count to 5 slowly; count backwards from 10 slowly; tap each finger to your thumb in a pattern; rub your palms together up and down slowly.
- Move your body. A nice stretch, busting out a few dance moves, going for a quick walk (even up and down a hallway), shaking your body for a few moments (this is coach Jen’s son’s favorite personal reset activity) can help release stress. Even if you only have three minutes!
- Get outside. Getting some fresh air, even just for a few moments can be an incredibly effective way to reset.
- Create small rituals. Lighting a candle, wrapping up in a soft or weighted blanket, listening to calming music, or sipping some warm tea are cues that tell your body it’s safe, which is key to a regulated nervous system.
- Protect your time and energy. This is another permission slip here–go ahead and say “no” when you really need to. Quietly leave group chats that drain you, opt out of the PTA fundraiser and let that guilt go because it is not serving you well.
- Ask for help or tag out with a parenting partner. Notice when you need support. Reach out to anyone who can help or just listen. It can be helpful to set up a “tag out” system with your parenting partner if you have one, which could be a phrase or gesture to indicate you need a break.
Giving our nervous system the attention it needs is the key to finding our calm. When we find our calm and regulated state, we can show up to parent our beautiful and complicated Orchid Kids in the best possible way.
So, let’s take a nap when we can, put down our phone, go outside, cry if we need to, and laugh whenever possible.
As Nike advised us in 1988: Just Do It. Let this be your permission slip.
We have a workshop on a topic we know can be a challenge for many of us struggling with co-parenting: Parenting Neurodivergent Kids as a Team: Practical Tools for Couples to Get on the Same Page. Whether you’re feeling stuck in miscommunication or simply want to strengthen your co-parenting partnership, this session offers tools to help you reconnect and move forward together. Coming up on Monday, May 19 from 12-1pm Eastern. More information and registration is here. Free for current ROK members, $25 for non-members.
Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash