Now that Summer is winding down, we’ve been thinking about the nonlinear nature of child development.
Odd? Maybe, but here’s why:
Summer is a time of in-between. In-between the end of one school year and the beginning of the next. In-between regular routines (which can be rough for Orchids). In between one stage and the next (although Orchids and stages are a whole other ball of wax…).
It’s a time of flux, when some rules are relaxed and the structure (and pressure) of the school year is paused. It might be a new camp. Or simply a new schedule. Or a new experience that takes your Orchid out of their routine, which often takes them out of their comfort zone.
In our Raising Orchid Kids FaceBook group, one Orchid parent lamented about how summer is SO hard for her Orchid. They wondered if this was a challenge for other Orchid parents. The answer was: Um, YES! Summer can be REALLY hard for Orchids. And, needless to say, for parents of said Orchids.
The lack of or shift in structures over the summer can bring out both amazing growth and deeply frustrating regressions in Orchid Kids. Some Orchids might tackle and master a new challenge, like learning to swim or jumping off the diving board, and then the next day refuse to go to camp amid a massive meltdown after a full week of happily going.
When you take away the predictable structures of the school year in summer, things just seem particularly less linear for all of us.
Even for Neurotypical Kids (aka Dandelions, or non-Orchid kiddos), there are times when changes happen rapidly, and there are times when things seem sort of stagnant. And there are the messy in-between times when it’s not clear what’s happening.
When we talk about Orchids, the situation changes a bit.
Our Orchids’ development is usually nonlinear. They may be way ahead in some areas and significantly behind in others. Orchids’ development is rarely linear and straightforward. Jen often says that her Orchid, Max, takes two steps forward, then one step back, then one step left, then he’s moving diagonally… you get the picture. He’s generally moving forward, but in an unpredictable and definitely nonlinear way.
Almost by definition, Orchids are working harder than the average bear to get through the day, to get through development, and to learn new things. They often need more repetition than other kids in order to learn new skills, and they often need new skills broken down into much smaller chunks than other kids.
This means that Orchids sometimes look like they’re not learning, even when they are, because their pace might be slower. Their path might look different from what we otherwise expect because of the way they process information or show what they know.
We can remind ourselves that child development in general and Orchid development in particular have their own cycle. Their own course. Their own pace.
And sometimes that pace is slow. And that’s okay.
And sometimes that pace seems like it’s moving backwards. And that’s okay too.
We like to think of child development as a spiral (Come to think of it, adult development is pretty much a spiral too…): we learn skills, use them, hone them, perfect them and then set about learning new skills that build from there.
Sometimes learning a new skill means we have to go back and revisit the “old skill.”
Here’s a speech example:
When kids are learning to talk, we expect most of their words to consist of a consonant-vowel format early on. “Bah!” = “Ball”; “Kah!” = Car; etc.
But as kids’ language skills develop, they also change the way they’re saying these words that they already know. The complexity increases as they progress up the ‘speech and language spiral.’
We expect both things: a simplified start and then gradual increase in complexity and skill. But we also don’t worry when some sounds take longer to learn than others. When some words take longer to learn than others. Or when some words get fuzzier before they get clearer.
It’s the same across the board – not just speech and language. Kids take their own sweet time and they mosey down the path sometimes.
Remembering that the path isn’t linear can help remind us to slow down, enjoy the journey and manage our own (linear) expectations.
xo G & J
P.S. If you could use more robust support in raising your Orchid child, we have our next 8-week online practical strategies class starting in the Fall. More info and registration are available here. If you’d like to join our free Raising Orchid Kids Facebook Group, come join us!