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In one of the “raising neurodivergent kids” FB groups we’re in, three different parents asked about how to deal with stimming, namely how to get their autistic child to stop either flapping their hands, making repetitive sounds or clicking their tongue over and over. Every time we see a post like this, we want to text-yell, “NO!!! STIMMING IS GOOD!!! Don’t just quash that behavior!”

Those kinds of behaviors are known as “stimming.” For Orchid kids, most commonly autistic Orchids but not exclusively, stimming can be a vital tool for self-regulation of a dysregulated nervous system and expression of big emotions. While it might be seen as “weird” by the neurotypical world around us, stimming, like all behaviors, is a form of communication and can have a powerful role in helping kids navigate their experiences and feel their feelings.

What is stimming?

The term “stimming” is short for “self-stimulatory behavior.” It can be repetitive movements, sounds, or actions that people engage in to manage sensory input, emotions, or stress. It can also have a “self-stimulatory” effect, meaning that the repetition of the movement or sound can be a method of finding joy or stimulation. Jen’s son, Max, stims most commonly because it makes him feel elated and joyful – stimming produces dopamine for him. Dopamine is the “feel-good” hormone in our brains that can be out of balance in neurodivergent brains.

Stimming can look like hand-flapping, rocking, repeating certain words or phrases, or making repetitive sounds like humming or clicking. While Orchid stims tend to be more pronounced, many of us, neurotypical (NT) and neurodivergent (ND) alike, do some version of stimming when we’re feeling bored, excited or stressed–like tapping our fingers, twirling a pen or bouncing our leg.

Lest you think we’re implying that we’re all “a little bit Orchid-y,” we would never say that! For Orchids, stimming has a direct impact, whether calming or dopamine-producing, on Orchids’ nervous systems. It serves an important function for our Orchid kids, whether helping them process the overwhelming stimuli of their environment, regulating their emotions, and creating a sense of control when things feel chaotic or unpredictable.

Why stimming matters for Orchid Kids

 

Emotional Regulation and Self-Soothing
One of the main benefits of stimming is that it provides a way for kids to manage their emotions. Many Orchid kids and teens are highly sensitive to sensory input or emotional overload, whether it’s a hectic classroom, a loud restaurant, or anxiety around an upcoming birthday party. Stimming is a physiological coping mechanism, a form of self-soothing that can help calm a dysregulated nervous system. Repetitive movements like hand-flapping or rocking can feel grounding and can be an adaptive way to help release tension. That, in turn, will help an Orchid kiddo regulate their nervous system and find calm (or become calmer, at the very least!)

Sensory Processing and Modulation
Orchid kids often have unique sensory needs. They might be hypersensitive (over-responsive) to certain sensory stimuli, like bright lights, loud sounds, or strong smells; flapping or another stim can help distract their brain from the overwhelming flood of sensory input. They could be hyposensitive (under-responsive) and seek out sensations, so touching something really soft repeatedly or making loud vocalizations can fill a sensory need. Stimming can help Orchid kids regulate in response to these sensory experiences.

Communication and Expression
For Orchid kids for whom verbal communication is challenging, stimming can provide a way to express their emotions. Repeating words or sounds can be a way to communicate emotions, whether they’re excited about seeing a show they love, frustrated that they have to transition away from an activity they’re happily enjoying, or feeling a complex mix of emotions when it’s time to leave Grandma’s house.

Focus and Cognition
Some Orchid kids stim as a strategy to enhance their concentration and focus. It might look like rhythmically tapping a pencil or humming to help channel their energy and stay engaged in a task. Hence the beloved (or despised, depending on how you see it) fidget! Occupational Therapists will tell you that things like chewing a chewy tube (or gum) or kicking a band on a chair or other outlets for physiological release of energy can help neurodivergent brains concentrate and regulate, especially when they’re doing an activity they find challenging or unstimulating.

A Sense of Control and Comfort
In a world built for neurotypical brains, things can often feel overwhelming or unpredictable for Orchid kids, and stimming can provide a feeling of control. It gives them the space to connect with their own body and environment in a way that feels safe and manageable when external factors feel out of their control.

 Let’s make stim more universally accepted

Unfortunately, stimming is often misunderstood by the neurotypical world. In schools or public places, our kids’ stimming may be seen as disruptive or just plain odd. Sometimes they’ll just get a side-eye glance, but things can escalate into teasing and bullying from peers or disparagement and punishment from educators. Then, of course, there’s the reaction from the myriad family members who don’t get it. At all. Punishing or disparaging kids for their adaptive mechanisms to cope with their dysregulated nervous systems is NOT okay. This is why we have such a strong reaction to parents who automatically want to quash their kids’ stims without understanding the why behind them.

Letting our kids stim when it’s not getting in the way of the people around them is a way to honor their unique way of being in the world and helping them stay and/or return to feeling regulated. Like it or not, it is our job as parents and advocates for our neurodivergent kiddos, to educate others around us that stimming is not a “bad habit” or something that needs to be “fixed.” It’s simply an essential part of how many of our Orchid kids manage their internal worlds.

Tips for supporting stimming in our neurotypical world

 

Create and Help Others Create an Inclusive and Compassionate Environment
For parents, teachers, and caregivers, we can overtly acknowledge to our Orchids and others that stimming is ok as long as it’s not harming or impeding others in our midst. As advocates for our kids, we can teach people who work with our kids (teachers, therapists, extracurricular program folks, etc.) about the benefit of stimming for our child in particular and neurodivergent kids in general. You can include stimming accommodations in your child’s IEP or 504 plan (access to fidgets, movement breaks or classroom breaks when needed, etc.).

Ensure that your child’s teachers do not discourage or punish (ever!) your child’s stims, and instead work to understand why they are so dysregulated or disengaged that they are stimming to calm their nervous systems. Here are some good questions they can ask themselves (or your child, if they’re aware enough to respond): Do they need a break from the noisy classroom? Are they feeling anxious or overwhelmed? What might be triggering their dysregulation? What do they need to re-engage with the work? Your child’s teachers must understand that stims are a form of communication – the child is expressing that they are dysregulated or underengaged. By finding the underlying reasons for their stimming, they can identify the accommodations to help them thrive.

Find Alternatives When Needed
There will be times when our kids’ stims will get in the way, especially if they’re stims that are loud or take up a lot of space (like large arm movements). Knowing that those stims serve a meaningful purpose, we can help our Orchid kids identify a stimming “Plan B.” We can teach them specifically where or when certain stims might be a problem and help them create a plan to try out alternative ways to stim that are less disruptive or distracting to others. Here are some ideas for “replacement stims” to try:

    • Sensory-input tools: squishy stress balls, fidget spinners, Pop-it toys or textured fabrics
    • Quiet tapping: tapping fingers or a pencil/pen on legs or other parts of the body
    • Breathing techniques: tracing fingers of one hand with the other, box breathing, counting breaths
    • Sensory breaks: designated space to go to so they can either engage in their preferred stim or find other nervous-system calming activities

Model and Encourage Open Communication
Encourage open conversations about stimming so kids feel safe to express their needs. Helping Orchid kids articulate why they stim, and how it helps them manage their emotions and sensory needs, is a great way to teach into how to advocate for themselves. If these conversations could happen in the larger school environment, it would be an excellent way to help peers and educators understand the value of stimming. Neurotypical kids and adults could then begin to see how we all find coping mechanisms to soothe our nervous systems when they feel awry.

Stim it to win it!

Overall, we want to ensure that our Orchid kiddos feel safe, supported, appreciated and understood. When we give our kids the space and acceptance to stim without shame, because it’s their natural form of self-expression and self-regulation, we empower and validate our kids and their way of moving through the world. This is no small thing for Orchid kids and their neurodivergent brains, given that they are forced to live in a world that was not built for the way their brains like to move through it. We can make our world a little more Orchid-friendly each time we normalize, accept, embrace and educate others about the quirks that help our Orchid kids stay regulated and happy. It’s a win-win (stim-win?) for everyone.


Want to dive in some more? Our spring Core Course is open for registration!

Photo by Patrick Fore on Unsplash

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