Feeling overwhelmed? This one Zen parenting tip should help!
If you’ve participated in our Practical Strategies Class, you may recall the story coach Jen tells about the power of taking care of what’s in front of you and how it helped shift her perspective–on pretty much everything. The current world itself is a LOT right now. It’s worth revisiting this Zen parenting tip as a reminder.
Zen parenting tip from a Buddhist mom
When my younger son (my Orchid kid) was around 4, I got the chance to go on a 3-day meditation retreat with a teacher whose book, Momma Zen, had been a touchstone text for me when my older son was a baby. The teacher, a Zen Buddhist priest and mother, gave all participants a short window to meet with her directly for specific guidance.
I was in that stage of Orchid kid parenting where I felt totally overwhelmed. I was about a year into his official autism diagnosis and working to manage all his behavior and developmental challenges and inconsistencies, and was deeply worried for my son’s future. I was regularly imagining him living with us at age 40, unable to function in society at large. My hand-wringing was intense and all-consuming.
When I met with the Zen Buddhist priest, I unloaded my worries about Max. In that amazingly Buddhist way of balancing two seemingly opposing emotions, she looked at me with a compassionate, placid look on her face and said,: “I don’t know what it’s like to have a child with special needs, but I do have one important piece of advice for you. Take care of what’s in front of you. With as little judgment and analysis as possible.”
I walked out of the room when our time was up feeling like a deer in headlights. So I sat and let her advice marinate for a full day. I realized how perfectly Buddhist that simple yet complex sliver of Zen parenting advice was, and how hard it might be to implement. But I was ready to try, because my state of overwhelm was a really unpleasant way to live.
We got lice—and I stayed zen!
I came home and 3 days later, my older son, then in Kindergarten, came home with lice. I also had it. My Orchid kid had it, too. Not awesome. But the lice crisis gave me an opportunity to put my newly-discovered Zen parenting approach to the test.newfound learning into practice right away. I bought some lice kits at the store, watched a tutorial or two and got to work.
I will say, while I can’t really recommend lice combing as a therapeutic activity, when I just focused on the mantra “take care of what’s in front of you” and I didn’t worry or bemoan my fate, things went better. In the spirit of Zen parenting, I just followed the instructions and took care of it—simple.
In the process, I realized that taking care of what’s in front of me is actually a way to take care of my own brain and my own nervous system. I was able to stay calm and focused as a result.
Raising neurodivergent kids, whose development and trajectory of growth/learning follow a very different path than those of their neurotypical peers/siblings, can feel overwhelming and confusing. It’s so easy to fall down the rabbit hole of worry and projection into the far future. Zen parenting changed all of that forever. The “take care of what’s in front of you” mantra has been a total game changer for my own nervous system. When my nervous system is calm, I can show up to parent in an infinitely better and more grounded way than when my nervous system is fried.
Zen parenting helps keep the whole family calm
If you’ve been with Raising Orchid Kids for any length of time, you know that we are huge proponents of keeping your nervous system regulated—it’s a critical tool to help our Orchid (and non-Orchid!) kids keep their nervous systems regulated. When our Orchids’ nervous systems are regulated, they feel better and do better in the world. Given how overwhelming the world is right now, shifting to the present and to taking care of what’s right in front of you—as opposed to what you wish were in front of you—is key to finding a path forward through stressful situations.
So, feel free to take my mantra and make it yours (bonus: throw in some oxytocin-producing puppy videos) to take care of your nervous system and your brain!
Let us know what you think of this idea and if you try it, let us know how taking care of what’s in front of you went!
For any of you raising Orchid teens, we have our next session of our Raising Orchid Teens Support Group starting Thursday, May 1 at 8:30 pm. Please share with anyone you think might benefit!
Photo by Benjamin Child on Unsplash