Irritating. Infuriating. Unacceptable. Rude. Spoiled.
A toddler who runs in the opposite direction whenever the parent says it’s time to leave.
A 5 year old who negotiates for more screen time whenever the parent says that time is ending.
The 8 year old who begs to be able to stay up later than their bedtime. Every. Single. Night.
The 12 year old who refuses to do household chores when asked.
These are common complaints from the very frustrated parents we work with. But what if those parents didn’t feel aggravated and frustrated?
What if that familiar flash of irritation was the reminder to:
Take a breath.
Take a step back from the situation.
Try out a different perspective.
Remember that kids do well when they can (thank you, Ross Greene).
What if that moment were an opportunity, rather than a hurdle?
On their developmental path to becoming a Thinking Adult Human, kids – at all developmental levels – must venture out on their own and bump up against the boundaries that we create for them. It’s actually their jobs. Their brains require it.
And so, with that developmental mindset, we can choose to:
Feel amazed, happy and grateful every time our toddler finds a boundary and we get to enforce it.
Be impressed that our 5 year old is figuring out that it’s no fun to unplug from The Box and feel happy that we get to help them learn how to do it.
Feel glad that our 8 year old is testing for themselves how important sleep is and that we get to shape their brains for their future good by teaching them good sleep habits.
Get curious about why our 12 year old isn’t choosing to do their chores and have an open, non-judgmental conversation about it with them.
Testing limits is what kids are designed to do.
And enforcing boundaries is some of the most important work of parenting.
We can make that work a Big F-ing Drag, or we can make it: Fascinating; Illuminating; and a Way Into Relationship with our child.
If you’re unsure whether the limits that your child is testing are developmentally on track, or if you’re in prolonged battles with your child for long periods of the day, check out our free Raising Orchid Kids Facebook Group for some solidarity. The group is designed for parents who are raising challenging, neurodivergent kiddos, and who want a community of parents who “get it.” We share wins, struggles and resources in a safe place while also cheering each other on in the process. We also have our next 8-week Practical Strategies class coming up soon if you’d like more robust support and community.
xo G & J