Managing anxiety in neurodivergent kids for a less stressful school year
As the school year kicks off, you may notice that your child seemed fine for the first few days or weeks, but now they’re now struggling. Back-to-school anxiety is real, especially for kids who already have a lot on their emotional plates—Orchid Kids among them. Whether it’s meltdowns, increasing anxiety, or simply a sense that something’s “off,” this is a common experience for many families. But there are ways to manage anxiety. Read on!
The honeymoon period before anxiety sets in
For many children, school-related anxiety doesn’t show up immediately. They might make it through the first few weeks just fine, but then start to unravel as the stress builds. It’s tempting to think they’ve simply passed through a honeymoon period and now the real challenges are appearing. But for an Orchid, there probably was never an actual honeymoon. They were likely holding it together as best they could—battening down the hatches, so to speak. After a few weeks of the effort, their emotional reserves are simply drained.
Think of it like this: while most kids cruise along at the emotional speed limit (say, 65), your child might already be at 68 miles per hour—barely holding on, just under the red zone. It only takes a slight shift for them to tip into overload.
What can you do to help
First, recognize that behavior never “comes out of nowhere.” Your child’s anxiety has been building, even if it wasn’t obvious at first. Here are some practical ways to peel back layers of stress and help your child recalibrate.
• Adjust bedtime
One of the easiest things to start with is making sure your child is getting enough sleep. The school year brings new challenges, both academically and socially, and kids need a lot of rest to cope. Sometimes, just moving bedtime up by 10 or 15 minutes can make a huge difference.
If your child has significant sleep issues, such as waking up frequently during the night, it’s a good idea to consult with a sleep specialist. Sleep is hugely important for emotional and cognitive functioning, and addressing sleep problems can alleviate some of the pressure.
• Reassess homework for anxiety triggers
Homework can be another major source of stress, especially for older children. In the first couple of weeks, the workload may have been light, but as it ramps up, so does your child’s anxiety. Take a close look at how they’re handling homework. Is it overwhelming? If so, reach out to the teacher. You might be able to modify assignments, especially if your child has an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) or a 504 plan in place.
Remember, research shows that homework isn’t very effective in the early grades. If your child is in second grade or younger, you can simply decide that homework won’t be a priority and discuss this with the teacher. You don’t have to make a big deal out of it—just explain that it’s not working for your child right now. We’ve had plenty of Orchid Raisers call the school and tell them, “we won’t be completing the homework this semester.” (True Story!)
• Look at extracurricular activities
Another thing to consider is how busy your child’s schedule is. Are they involved in too many activities, or maybe not enough of the things they really enjoy? Some kids feel drained by school and need something fun to look forward to, while others might benefit from less structured time to decompress.
Take a moment to reassess their after-school commitments. If they’re overscheduled, cutting back can provide more downtime to relax and recharge. On the other hand, if they’re not involved in anything they love, adding a fun activity could help regulate their nervous system and give them something positive to focus on.
• Validate, validate, validate
When your child comes to you saying, “I hate school,” or “I don’t like my teacher,” your first instinct might be to correct them. You may want to say, “Of course you don’t hate school,” or, “I’m sure you like your teacher.” But what your child really needs at that moment is validation.
Try saying, “I hear you. Tell me more about that.” By acknowledging their feelings, you show that you believe what they’re telling you, even if you don’t agree. Often, when kids say something like “school is boring,” what they really mean is “this is too hard,” or “I don’t feel understood.” Validating their feelings builds trust and opens the door for them to share more with you.
• Help them unpack what’s really going on
Once you’ve validated their feelings, help your child figure out what’s really bothering them. Maybe they’re struggling with the work, or they’re feeling anxious because they don’t understand what’s expected of them. Some kids get thrown off by mixed messages from teachers or feel disconnected from their classmates.
Your child may not have the words to explain exactly why they’re feeling the way they do, but you can help them explore what’s going on beneath the surface.
Get the help you need for anxiety
It’s completely normal for your child’s anxiety to spike a few weeks into the school year. They’re not giving you a hard time—they’re having a hard time. As their parent, your role is to help them manage their emotions and find ways to reduce their stress.
If you’re feeling stuck, don’t hesitate to seek support. Whether it’s from a teacher, therapist, or parent coach, there are people who can help guide you through these challenges. And remember, small changes—like an earlier bedtime or modified homework—can have a big impact on your child’s overall well-being.
Take it one step at a time, and trust that you’re doing the best you can to support your child through this transition.
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