Today’s blog post is a companion to this post Jen wrote a few months ago when after a long, dormant period filled with uncertainty and lots of waiting, her Orchid plants sprouted. Today, those Orchid plants are in full, glorious bloom. This photo here is of her Orchids in full bloom in her kitchen. Like the gift that keeps on giving, these Orchids can again give us some solid insight into our Orchid Kids.
At Raising Orchid Kids (ROK), we always encourage parents to try to understand the “why” when things go well for their Orchids (either the plant or human variety). So, I wondered why. I wondered what set these Orchids up to blossom so vibrantly. Surprisingly, I didn’t do anything special. I watered them weekly, found a partially sunny spot for them, and skipped the fancy fertilizers. And yet, they flourished magnificently.
What Orchid plants can teach us about Orchid kids
When you find the right balance of care and the right environment for your Orchid plant, the blossoming just happens naturally. Oddly enough, the same principle applies to Orchid kids. While of course raising Orchid humans is much more complex, when we create a supportive atmosphere for them, both physically and emotionally, they can bloom and thrive.
And when an Orchid plant’s leaves start to wilt and it struggles to sprout anew, we change the environment, or the care we provide it, rather than blame the Orchid for failing to blossom. Similarly, when our kids struggle to blossom, whether at school or at home, we look to find the “why” and change the elements that we can of the environment or the care routine.
During our ROK membership meetings, we often hear about the struggles parents face with their Orchid kids at school. Some Orchids mask their neurodivergent traits at school all day, and melt down as soon as they get home. Others lose it at school and yell, or hit, or throw something. Others refuse to even go to school, because their nervous system just cannot handle it.
We all recognize when our Orchid kids are not thriving. The key is to reflect to uncover the why.
As parents, we instinctively know when something feels off at school, which often spills over into home life. And while we know something needs to shift and change, it can feel utterly overwhelming. It can feel daunting because making changes takes the time and energy that we often feel we simply don’t have, given all the time and energy consumed in supporting your Orchid kid, especially when their nervous system is consistently fried.
If you can find a way to stabilize your Orchid’s nervous system at school, so much time and energy will be saved. And you’ll help create the conditions in which your Orchid can blossom and thrive.
What this looks like in real life
Just last week, a Raising Orchid Kids mom who came through our class shared that her 6-year old kindergartener had been having major issues at school for much of this year, despite an IEP in place for him. It was a huge struggle. Daily calls. Chairs knocked over. Objects thrown. Teachers kicked. The poor child was totally dysregulated at school and the teachers and staff had no idea how to support him. Many of you reading this will be able to relate.
Through persistent advocacy—countless meetings, enlisting outside therapists to come to school meetings, and consistent communication with school staff—she successfully changed her son’s school. The result was night-and-day-level astonishing: “I changed his school, and he was like a new kid. The difference is mind-blowing.”
I witnessed a night-and-day difference in my own child when he changed schools in 5th grade. When you find an environment that can support your Orchid as best as possible, everyone’s nervous system benefits, and things just start to feel easier, and your Orchids have the conditions they need to allow them to blossom. Of course, they all grow and blossom at their own pace, when they have the support, care and environment they need.
Changing schools is hard. For us and for our Orchids. But when it’s clear that an environment is impeding your Orchid’s ability to thrive, changing the environment can make all the difference. For some of us, it might mean homeschooling for a bit, or for longer. For others, it might mean a new classroom and new teacher. For others, it might mean a new school with programs and staff who better understand how to meet your Orchid’s needs.
Steps to Take if Your Orchid Kid is Struggling
If your child’s school feels like a constant struggle for them, consider these action steps:
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Communicate with the relevant educators at the school:
- Reach out to the teacher/special education point person to understand what is happening and when your child seems most dysregulated
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Talk to your child:
- Ask your Orchid why school is feeling hard: what’s getting in the way specifically; what it is that sends their nervous system into a tailspin
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Identify possible changes:
- Discuss potential adjustments with the teacher. If an IEP or 504 plan is in place, ensure it’s being effectively implemented.
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Assess supports:
- Evaluate the supports currently in place: If your child is in a public school, is an IEP or 504 plan needed, or does the current one need to be revised?
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Consider hiring an advocate:
- If the above steps don’t lead toward meaningful change, consider hiring an advocate to help with this process. They know the language to use and the ins and outs of local school systems. Although hiring a Special Education lawyer is also an option, advocates are much less expensive and can often be enough. If you need referrals, reach out and we can send you some.
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Explore new schools:
- Tap into your networks to find schools that fit your Orchid’s specific profile and needs; schedule visits and/or calls with admissions staff. Most schools that specifically serve neurodivergent kids have rolling admissions.
None of this is easy. All of it is worth the effort. We’ve got you if you need logistical and/or emotional support!
We’re happy to send you vetted referrals, and of course, if you have any questions about any of this and how to get started, just reply to this email and we will do what we can to support you!
Warmly,
Jen & Gabriele